What becomes of the wave after it crashes?

What happened to the infant self I once was? Where did my baby go as he grew into the toddler he now is?

If I met someone who knew my parents when, but hadn’t seen me since I was a newborn, they wouldn’t be able to stop themselves from speaking of this version of me I don’t even remember. They would see me as the grown version of the baby. An image of the past from their minds, a projected history, would be who they met - rather than current me at aged thirty-seven, I’d be the newborn in a thirty-seven year old body. 

I do this with places as well as people. The sight of a giant redwood sparks my mental library of images from my honeymoon. The mediterranean whispers every story my family has passed on from their rich and painful collective history. The sound of a Swiss-German accent intoxicates my mind with nostalgia for my father’s voice and with it, the pang of grief so easy to access at the slightest invitation. This is how the beautiful mind digests the world as it creates an infinitely complicated tapestry of narratives wherever it goes. 

I see our lives as constant rebirths. Requiring no death, we reincarnate, jumping timelines. The sweetest rebirthings are when we arrive fresh - as a soul would land straight into a life memory. When we witness a past-life we land square into a moment with no reference points - the narrative just slowly unravels and reveals itself, like a dream with no beginning. 

What if I could land fresh into my relationships? No projected memories of who you were yesterday, how we may have acted. Rather than forgiving, what if it is as simple as forgetting, arriving here in our brand new sparkling encounter as two beings who have never truly met before. What if we could meet not as who we’ve been, but who we are - now, now, now, now, now?

Fresh. Reborn. Authentic. Real.

I am not the woman I was yesterday. You might not even be the person you were this morning. Let us meet and see beyond the projection. Let us dare to encounter the depths of each other - beyond story, beyond form, into the clear waters of our true selves. I want to know the true being, here as a pristine soul, alive and reborn in all of your glory.