Last night I tasted enlightenment. I released it all. There was no pain, no problem, nothing but sheer beauty.
My three-year-old son was in the bath. As I was kneeling washing him, my mind drifted contemplating the Origins channeling in my book - where my Guides explain that at the Big Bang, Source fragmented becoming all the perspectives of the Universe in order to know and experience itself. As I thought about this beautiful idea, I heard ‘you experiencing yourself.’ As these words were whispered my crown opened so wide it was as if I no longer possessed a head. This message zapped me from the conceptual to the visceral. I am Source experiencing myself. You are Source experiencing yourself. I as you, you as me. Truthfully, there is no ‘me,’ there is no ‘you’.
With this went my identity as me. Little me in a body was no more. I was just there, consciousness staring in awe at my son as he became a joyous example of Source experiencing life, and I along with him. Nothing existed outside that moment. Nothing other than that bathroom was real or in my awareness. It was pure focus, free from the strain of concentration.
We talk about Source knowing itself as us as if Source isn’t us - but we are apart of it - it’s alive as us. We are Source having an experience. Us. As Source. Right now.
As I sat there, watching him play, many minutes of complete wonder ticked by. I recall saying ‘wow’ as I held this state of pure bliss. I looked into his warm green eyes with joy for this perspective. Touching his little foot, I felt myself touching my own foot. I felt it as my own. When I finally spoke, my voice was someone else’s, I had an awareness behind the vibration of it. I was deep inside my own body listening to an outside noise. It was very similar to the scene in ‘Being John Malkovich’ when Cameron Diaz witnesses John’s life from within his body. I was the extreme witness, far in the background, watching. No longer really an “I” but rather just a thing - a place - a fascinated, alert watcher.
At bedtime it takes a little negotiating to get Elias into his pyjamas, then we read a few stories, and I typically sing ’twinkle, twinkle’ for over twenty minutes before he falls asleep. On this night, I dressed him with out any effort. All was peaceful, our movements into bed were effortless. I placed my hand on his head, gave him reiki for no more than two minutes, and he quickly feel into a deep sleep. No song was sung. No fuss was made.
I returned to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Nothing in the world existed apart from this marvellous little room. I felt immense gratitude for the toothbrush and the toothpaste that ‘old me’ had left for the me that was present that day. Old me was the me I had identified with from only a limited perspective. She was kind. She took care of me, leaving me things to cleanse myself with. I felt like her guest and was honoured to be staying in her home. I was filled with immense appreciation for what she does for me, all without a thought for what she’s doing. I noticed the little pots of face creams, and I saw a woman who loved herself. She was so good at being alive. This was her purpose.
Every noise, every scent, every object is an expression of divinity. Life being life. This state of stillness which possessed a fascination for it all, stayed with me until I woke up the next morning, back to being me. Me as Brighitta. A spark of the one containing the many, as one of the many.
There is no story in the present moment. No pain, no drama to play out, no grudges, or anything at all to consider. With Eli in that bath there was nothing in the world to focus on - and nothing that would have been near as precious. Those old narratives that began with “I need” and “I want” ceased - and when I looked, I found they were all created from a dark little room under the stairs of my awareness. They were false trappings of a human identified as human. Hypnotised by the concept of duality, fixated on a small piece of the expansive picture.
Those limiting stories seem to be as rational as the tip of my little finger being angry at the index, needing to be told it was worthy of love from the hand, or craving to be positioned in the middle, or at the wrist - believing it could ever be anything other than hand as a whole, and body beyond.
We are an undulating network of minds fresh under amnesia - asleep to the one consciousness, the expanding Universe. I can sense that little me hiding in the dark is still there. I can go stroke her hair, ask her to play and then watch her retreat again, and then I can climb the stairs once more to the light of truth. If she can be there, and I can be here, I must not be her. She’s my humanity. She’s my primitive self, an illusion. She’s there to teach me all the ways of this world and species - all aspects of the broader me, the broader you.
All of the people in your life allow you to know life, to know God / Spirit / Source as fully as you are able. Every being on this earth is a facet of Source - a molecule of the divine. When you look at another, you look at yourself. Everyone is you, looking back at you. Just as you can’t separate the various notes that coalesce to create a harmony, you can’t be separate from the Source of All That Is. Our tones surrender to union simply by our existence. You might fall out of key, but you can vibrate right back to harmony by dropping any story that feels otherwise.
Now I watch the world with wide eyes. Look at all we are capable of - what a range of emotion and thought! We occupy a sea of sheer beauty as all the elements, all the frequencies, all the states of dreaming and wakefulness. I love every particle. This is us, knowing us. We are each a sacred breath of the divine, flowing through the air of All That Is.